TALES FROM THE BOX: THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF BROTER "THE POSER"

Once again, I bring another tale from the behind the felt of a Las Vegas Poker Dealer...as I present

 

THE FURTHER

 

ADVENTURES

 

OF

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

For those want to understand the story behind Broter "The Poser" please click this link for a past blog post I wrote about this piece of work.

 

So I'm standing around, waiting for my turn to get into the dealer box to make or shatter the poker dreams of the young and old alike, our hero BROTER strolls into the poker room wearing his typical phony plain looking suit. Top two buttons of his white collared shirt unbuttoned. BROTER begins his typical sprint around the poker room, with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face, trying to make sure all the poker dealers, poker players, cocktail waitresses, and anyone within eyesight that the "Great, and almighty" BROTER has graced us with his presence.

 

The first thing BROTER does is to try and get a seat in the poker game, but alas, there are two No Limit games running, but the game is full and there is a small list. So a dealer puts BROTER on the list, at the same time, BROTER is staring at his phone...I guess trying to see if the president of the Poser Associations of America send him a text proclaiming his awesomeness!

 

So BROTER stands around by himself for a moment, stunningly surprised that no one from the poker room is doing him a favor by asking about his life. BROTER begins milling around to looking for someone to talk too...he sets his radar on the nearest person...which happened to be...YOURS TRULY, RONALD VELACION BALTAZAR

 

Unsolicated, he shows me a woman on his iPhone, a very attractive woman I must say and begins his rant...the way only BROTER can do, and without a single salutation, the rant starts, "I got this girl's phone number yesterday, but I'm not sure I'm going to call her. Because I have another girl I've been talking too. I know I can get this girl in bed, but I don't know if I want too cause I have this other girl I've been talking too."

 

Of course, I'm nodding my head putting up my best "customer service" smile, but all the while, I'm thinking, "Are you being fucking serious??!! Why would tell me about all this unsolicited? Does this fucking douchebag think I'm going get down on my hands and knees and bow to the feet of this clown?

 

Finally, BROTER gets his seat, and I'm spared anymore crap from his bubbling idiot. I walk over to another dealer and tell them the story of BROTER blaring at me...we share a laugh....

 

This was the latest, but it's definitely won't be the last...

 

SO STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADVENTURES OF

 

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

 

"The Poser" Broter -- A Las Vegas Tale

Kids, parents, interested parties, and anyone who wants to listen..


I HATE POSERS!!

According to the Urban Dictionary, one of the funniest websites I've ever come across, a POSER is defined as "One who pretends to be someone who's not" or "someone who tries to someone with exaggeration."

In Las Vegas, you come across a lot of posers. Most do it because they're visiting and just want to have some fun, so I don't fault them. Then, you come across people, who live in Vegas, and do their best to become someone they're not...and what makes it worst, they'll always tell you about it. And, it's always unsolicited.

There's a young poser, who I've played poker with around town...we'll just call him "Broter", Broter would always play in a cheesy gray suit (similar to the one worn by the Dos Equis guy), always with the collar unbutton, hair greased up, cheap lofters, and walking in talking on this cell phone. Convinently, Broter would end his conversation when someone in the poker room approached him.

Broter started ranting about how he was just talking to girl, and she wanted him to take her to fancy restaurant or how he had sex with all these women..The funny thing was all this was unsolicited -- Not one time, did a player, dealer, floorman, cocktail waitress, porter ask him about his "exploits" with women. Here's a example of a dialogue I had with him about a year ago:

Me: What's up, Broter

Broter: Hey Ron...just got back from seeing this girl. She said she wanted to meet me for lunch, but I told her I was too busy (Insert goofy laugh here). I told her I wanted to play poker.

Me: That's cool

Broter, Yeah, I mean she keeps calling me and saying she want to meet me and that I should take her to Bellagio for lunch, but I'm so cheap that I couldn't. (TO THE DEALER: I'll buy in for $300, give me 20 in ones so I can tip the cocktail waitress). Yeah, I could have sex with her anytime, but man I got all these other women I need to get with that I have no time for her.

Me: Really

Brother: Like today, she asked me to meet me for lunch, but I told her I'd rather play poker, so consider yourself thankful.

Me: (Sarcastically) WOW, aren't we the lucky ones.

Then Broter becomes the poser poker player.

He tries to comes across as this loose aggressive player capable of making bluffs, but playing with him for years, I can tell you he is the most transparent player you'll ever face. He's the tightest nit, unwilling to gamble when it's warrants, then sits there folds and folds while getting up from the table to answer or text his phone. I'll tell you, I've won some nice pots, by always reraising him preflop because 99 percent of the time, he'll make some wimpy, pussy 7 dollar raise and I'll make it $20 and he'll make a speech about how he has a big hand (He always has a big hand when he raises), then he'll fold 99 percent of the time, saying he'll find a different spot. Although the different spot is always the same one...Broter raise, I re-raise, speech, then folds. When faced with aggression, my poser friend, Broter will usually shy from it.

I've played with Broter a lot, and I've never seen him have a big stack. I can honestly say the most I've ever seen him win was maybe 200 bucks, and that's because the deck totally hit him in the face.

Another one of his favorite lines always came when a beautiful woman passed through the poker room: "Look at tits on her, I'm going to get her number." Alas though, he would never leave his chair, he'd just sit there fold his 15th straight hand, and go back to messing with his phone.

Another thing I noticed about Broter was he would always ask the dealer if he tipped them, which he rarely did, as if he did something extremely noble. As a dealer, I noticed this cause he would be condescending to the dealers as if it a "pleasure" and his "honor" to toss a buck their way.  He was one of those "obnoxious" tippers..guys that toss the toke up on the air so the entire table could see..one of those, "I'm a tipper, everyone look at me. I'm the best."

Let me say this, I don't think Broter is not a terrible person. I think he has some self confident issues always from the poker room, and he uses poker as a way to become and try to become something he desperately wants to be. He tries and craves the attention that he comes across as a total douchebag...again, not a bad thing, but damn when you hear and see the same shtick repeatedly, you want to take his head and pound it against the wall....ONE TIME!!!!!!

I'm sure the next time I'm playing poker and I see Broter stroll into the poker room, you can assure two things: 1) he'll make sure everyone knows he's in the room 2) one of the nittiest players will sit with you, so ask for a table change

Poker with the Bloggers -- LIGHTNING36, PLEASE FOLD!!!

Poker is a social game. Poker is a people game. More importantly, poker is a "take as much money from your opponent as possible" game. However, there are times where you play people you don't want to take money from, but the circumstances drive you too....

Few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of playing $1-$2 No Limit at the Luxor with 3 bloggers, who I have the absolute respect, admiration, and huge fans of their particular blogs: Lucki Duck, Robvegaspoker , and Lightning36. The 3 bloggers arrived at the Luxor about 20 minutes after I was there. I was sitting in a very very very extremely extremely tight tight table!! (Did I mention the table was very, extremely, tight??) Lightning said they had enough to start a new game. At first I was apprehensive about joining the game because I have this thing about playing people I like cause I really don't want to take their money, and in the case of Robvegaspoker and Lightning36, they've been very generous tippers to me whenever I've dealt then, even tipping in small pots when they didn't have too. It was a definite quandary, it's the reason I don't playing where I work, and if I do, I NEVER play at the table if I've dealt it already. It's my belief you shouldn't play at poker room if you work there...it's a "conflict of interest" rule. Yeah, I know it might be a little paranoid, cause in 99% of cases, your regular players really don't care if you play with them, but I usually am uncomfortable if I'm check-raising a guy who tipped 15 bucks the week before...lol

The only reason I decided to join the new table was the table I was at was very very extremely extremely tight tight table!! (I have mention how tight my table was??). The first hours, the table really played tight, but I was enjoying the conversations with my fellow bloggers. We talked about an array of interesting topics, one of which was the whereabouts of "Backpack" Steve, a leech who used to hang around poker room begging for money. When I told them what happened to him, the bloggers, particularly Robvegaspoker was shocked yet not too surprised. It was definitely a delightful time, to the point where I sometimes forgot were in a card game..it was like we were sipping a cold one and shooting the breeze in a bar. But alas, the game of no limit Texas Hold em took hold of two of the us...one of which was me...the other was Lightning36.

Like many no limit poker hands, the hand started out nonchalantly, A player opened for $12 from a $90 or so stack....I'm sitting two seats later with Pocket 10's and call. My stack was a little over $200. Two more callers behind me, and Lightning in the Small blind calls. So we take the flop five-handed...The flop comes A A 10 A. I actually did a double take...did I just flop a boat?? Lightning, first to act checks, the initial raiser bets $20. Quickly, I raised to $40. I acted quickly because I'm a believer if you flop a monster you act the opposite of what you'd normally do. I see it too much as a poker dealer, when someone flops a monster, they put on the "Hollywood" Act as if they a tough decision to make. I can pretty much tell they have a monster by this act, and I'm almost always right. It's actually helped in my poker playing in identifying big hands and being able to either get away from them or lose the minimum. The 2nd part of this hand is why did I raise on the flop with a full house. My goal to extract maximum value for my hand and with 5 players in a raised pot, there had to be an Ace somewhere with my 4 other opponents, and I wanted to get that Ace to commit this stack to the point as early in the hand as possible where he is forced to put the rest of his chips in the next two streets.

Two players behind me folded quickly, the action was now on Lightning, who tanked. At that point, I knew he had an Ace, and I thought, "Dammit, this is not what I wanted." I wanted one of the other guys sitting with an Ace and Lightning would insta-fold his hand. Lightning hemmed and hawed for a long time, starting at me, playing nervously with his chips before sliding the $40 towards the pot. the initial raiser were all in for another 18 bucks or so. Since it wasn't a full-raise I could only call as did Lightning. The Turn was a 3...Lightning check, I instantly go all-in for around $140. I actually was hoping Lightning would see this as a sign that I had the goods and he would fold, but when he asked how much I had...I knew there was no way he was folding his hand. AFter another minute, Lightning calls....River was a 9....I announce "Full House" and turn over my Pocket 10's...Lightning shows AJ and the other player mucks claiming he had an Ace too.

I had mixed emotions scooping that pot. On one hand I was happy for winning such a monster pot, but felt bad that it had to come in the expense of Lightning. But I don't blame him, he played the hand very well. I probably would have played the hand the same way.  It was just a "cooler" hand that comes up from time to time where hands kind of play themselves. Lightning took the beat very well, and I  was happy when he texted me the next day saying he won his money back at Ballys.

Next time, Lightning comes to town, and stiffs me, believe me I will not be angry about it. I'll shoot him a sly smile and wonder what would have happened if he paired his Jack on the river :)

"DEALER, I'VE PLAYED IN ALOT OF CASINOS, INCLUDING NEW ZEALAND, AND NEVER HEARD THAT RULE!"

I've always tell people, the best part about being a poker dealer is no 2 days are alike -- the good and the bad...then you come across the third category -- The Ridiculous! This third category comes once in a blue moon, but when it comes across, as a poker dealer, you either laugh or shake your head...On this day, I had a little of both.

I'm dealing a standard No limit game, three players in the pot...First guy tosses out an 100 dollar bill and says, "$50, indicating he was betting $50 of the $100. I announce the bet to the table immediately. As a poker dealer, it's my obligation to quickly announce the bettor's intentions so the players involved know immediately what the bet is. The next player to act was an older gentleman from New Zealand, I know this for a fact cause I dealt to him earlier in the day and I overheard him telling someone he was from New Zealand, "Here in Vegas on Holiday". This native New Zealander looks at the bet puzzledly, then looks up at me,

"Is he allowed to do that?" He says.

"Yes, his bet is $50" I answer.

"No,  I mean, can he bet with the money?" He replies.

At first, I'm thinking, maybe the guy didn't see the $100 bill beneath his chips, which is an understandable objection, it's happen before when as player doesn't see the bills and objects that's it's "in Play", So I answer, "Yes sir, $100 bills play."

I saw this New Zealander's eyes bulge from it's socket, I could tell he was getting a little upset, "I never heard of any rule like that, why didn't he get chips?"

I hesitated, thinking, "Is this guy serious?" Finally, I answered, "I'm not sure, maybe he likes to play bills."

The New Zealander wasn't having any of that, "I never heard of a fucking rule like that. I've played in casinos all over the world, and never of a fucking rule like that!!

At this point, I wanted to nip in the bud before it escalated, the gentlemen sitting next to him, who was the third player in the hand intervene, "He's allowed to play $100...he had it on the table before the hand started."

The New Zealander finally folded his hand and the hand played out with the third player winning the pot. As he was dragging the pot with the $100 bill amongst the money, he showed it to the New Zealander, and said, "I can't take it off the table now, it's in play!"

The New Zealander wasn't finished, he directed his venomous tired at me, "I think that the fucking worst rules I've ever heard. You shouldn't be able to have Goddamn money on the table like that..."

I tried to explain the $100 bill rule to him again, simultaneously, telling him he need to the cool it with the language, but the New Zealander was still angry beyond belief. Then one by one, every other player on the table was trying to explain the rule to him, but it was to no avail. He truly believed that having $100 bills on the table was against the rules and continued his tirade for another 5 minutes -- a lot of it directed at me.

At the point, I tried to ignore him and continue on with the next hand. I actually called the floor over cause he was cursing up a storm and I wanted to the Floorman to explain the rule to him. If this New Zealander wasn't going to believe in the poker dealer (Dressed in all-black), maybe he'll believe floorman (With the nice suit).

The entire table spent the rest of my down, the players continued explaining the $100 bill rule to this guy to e point that it became comical. I wasn't really upset or angry with his guy, I was more shocked his bullheadedness not to listen to the poker players....

Yes people, that's

THE GOOD
THE BAD
THE RIDICULOUS