TALES FROM THE BOX: THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF BROTER "THE POSER"

Once again, I bring another tale from the behind the felt of a Las Vegas Poker Dealer...as I present

 

THE FURTHER

 

ADVENTURES

 

OF

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

For those want to understand the story behind Broter "The Poser" please click this link for a past blog post I wrote about this piece of work.

 

So I'm standing around, waiting for my turn to get into the dealer box to make or shatter the poker dreams of the young and old alike, our hero BROTER strolls into the poker room wearing his typical phony plain looking suit. Top two buttons of his white collared shirt unbuttoned. BROTER begins his typical sprint around the poker room, with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face, trying to make sure all the poker dealers, poker players, cocktail waitresses, and anyone within eyesight that the "Great, and almighty" BROTER has graced us with his presence.

 

The first thing BROTER does is to try and get a seat in the poker game, but alas, there are two No Limit games running, but the game is full and there is a small list. So a dealer puts BROTER on the list, at the same time, BROTER is staring at his phone...I guess trying to see if the president of the Poser Associations of America send him a text proclaiming his awesomeness!

 

So BROTER stands around by himself for a moment, stunningly surprised that no one from the poker room is doing him a favor by asking about his life. BROTER begins milling around to looking for someone to talk too...he sets his radar on the nearest person...which happened to be...YOURS TRULY, RONALD VELACION BALTAZAR

 

Unsolicated, he shows me a woman on his iPhone, a very attractive woman I must say and begins his rant...the way only BROTER can do, and without a single salutation, the rant starts, "I got this girl's phone number yesterday, but I'm not sure I'm going to call her. Because I have another girl I've been talking too. I know I can get this girl in bed, but I don't know if I want too cause I have this other girl I've been talking too."

 

Of course, I'm nodding my head putting up my best "customer service" smile, but all the while, I'm thinking, "Are you being fucking serious??!! Why would tell me about all this unsolicited? Does this fucking douchebag think I'm going get down on my hands and knees and bow to the feet of this clown?

 

Finally, BROTER gets his seat, and I'm spared anymore crap from his bubbling idiot. I walk over to another dealer and tell them the story of BROTER blaring at me...we share a laugh....

 

This was the latest, but it's definitely won't be the last...

 

SO STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADVENTURES OF

 

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

 

"The Poser" Broter -- A Las Vegas Tale

Kids, parents, interested parties, and anyone who wants to listen..


I HATE POSERS!!

According to the Urban Dictionary, one of the funniest websites I've ever come across, a POSER is defined as "One who pretends to be someone who's not" or "someone who tries to someone with exaggeration."

In Las Vegas, you come across a lot of posers. Most do it because they're visiting and just want to have some fun, so I don't fault them. Then, you come across people, who live in Vegas, and do their best to become someone they're not...and what makes it worst, they'll always tell you about it. And, it's always unsolicited.

There's a young poser, who I've played poker with around town...we'll just call him "Broter", Broter would always play in a cheesy gray suit (similar to the one worn by the Dos Equis guy), always with the collar unbutton, hair greased up, cheap lofters, and walking in talking on this cell phone. Convinently, Broter would end his conversation when someone in the poker room approached him.

Broter started ranting about how he was just talking to girl, and she wanted him to take her to fancy restaurant or how he had sex with all these women..The funny thing was all this was unsolicited -- Not one time, did a player, dealer, floorman, cocktail waitress, porter ask him about his "exploits" with women. Here's a example of a dialogue I had with him about a year ago:

Me: What's up, Broter

Broter: Hey Ron...just got back from seeing this girl. She said she wanted to meet me for lunch, but I told her I was too busy (Insert goofy laugh here). I told her I wanted to play poker.

Me: That's cool

Broter, Yeah, I mean she keeps calling me and saying she want to meet me and that I should take her to Bellagio for lunch, but I'm so cheap that I couldn't. (TO THE DEALER: I'll buy in for $300, give me 20 in ones so I can tip the cocktail waitress). Yeah, I could have sex with her anytime, but man I got all these other women I need to get with that I have no time for her.

Me: Really

Brother: Like today, she asked me to meet me for lunch, but I told her I'd rather play poker, so consider yourself thankful.

Me: (Sarcastically) WOW, aren't we the lucky ones.

Then Broter becomes the poser poker player.

He tries to comes across as this loose aggressive player capable of making bluffs, but playing with him for years, I can tell you he is the most transparent player you'll ever face. He's the tightest nit, unwilling to gamble when it's warrants, then sits there folds and folds while getting up from the table to answer or text his phone. I'll tell you, I've won some nice pots, by always reraising him preflop because 99 percent of the time, he'll make some wimpy, pussy 7 dollar raise and I'll make it $20 and he'll make a speech about how he has a big hand (He always has a big hand when he raises), then he'll fold 99 percent of the time, saying he'll find a different spot. Although the different spot is always the same one...Broter raise, I re-raise, speech, then folds. When faced with aggression, my poser friend, Broter will usually shy from it.

I've played with Broter a lot, and I've never seen him have a big stack. I can honestly say the most I've ever seen him win was maybe 200 bucks, and that's because the deck totally hit him in the face.

Another one of his favorite lines always came when a beautiful woman passed through the poker room: "Look at tits on her, I'm going to get her number." Alas though, he would never leave his chair, he'd just sit there fold his 15th straight hand, and go back to messing with his phone.

Another thing I noticed about Broter was he would always ask the dealer if he tipped them, which he rarely did, as if he did something extremely noble. As a dealer, I noticed this cause he would be condescending to the dealers as if it a "pleasure" and his "honor" to toss a buck their way.  He was one of those "obnoxious" tippers..guys that toss the toke up on the air so the entire table could see..one of those, "I'm a tipper, everyone look at me. I'm the best."

Let me say this, I don't think Broter is not a terrible person. I think he has some self confident issues always from the poker room, and he uses poker as a way to become and try to become something he desperately wants to be. He tries and craves the attention that he comes across as a total douchebag...again, not a bad thing, but damn when you hear and see the same shtick repeatedly, you want to take his head and pound it against the wall....ONE TIME!!!!!!

I'm sure the next time I'm playing poker and I see Broter stroll into the poker room, you can assure two things: 1) he'll make sure everyone knows he's in the room 2) one of the nittiest players will sit with you, so ask for a table change

QUICKY BUT GOODY

Had another laugh out moment at work. I dealing next to an older gentlemen who had to be in his eighties, and he was having a friendly conversation with a woman sitting next to him. This older gentlemen was proud to show off his girlfriend who was the backdrop to his phone. I didn't quite catch some of the conversation, but the subject of libido came up, and he said something to the effect of it doesn't matter how old I am, I can still work it. That got the table laughing including myself. The woman sitting next to him said, "Damn, I need a sugar daddy like you, will you be my sugar daddy?

Across the table, another lady, who was cracking jokes throughout probably oblivious to the conversation going on between them, said, "I love Sugar Daddy..I ate my fair share when I was a kid" Her friend sitting a few seats down, apparently didn't hear the conversation chimes in, "Someone has Sugar Daddies. I want one." Contributing to the fact was these two ladies were finishing off a nice, cold, ice, fruity spirit from her Fat Tuesday souvenir cup....

I laughed out loud....Sometimes, being a poker dealer is the greatest job ever....lol