TALES FROM THE BOX: THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF BROTER "THE POSER"

Once again, I bring another tale from the behind the felt of a Las Vegas Poker Dealer...as I present

 

THE FURTHER

 

ADVENTURES

 

OF

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

For those want to understand the story behind Broter "The Poser" please click this link for a past blog post I wrote about this piece of work.

 

So I'm standing around, waiting for my turn to get into the dealer box to make or shatter the poker dreams of the young and old alike, our hero BROTER strolls into the poker room wearing his typical phony plain looking suit. Top two buttons of his white collared shirt unbuttoned. BROTER begins his typical sprint around the poker room, with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face, trying to make sure all the poker dealers, poker players, cocktail waitresses, and anyone within eyesight that the "Great, and almighty" BROTER has graced us with his presence.

 

The first thing BROTER does is to try and get a seat in the poker game, but alas, there are two No Limit games running, but the game is full and there is a small list. So a dealer puts BROTER on the list, at the same time, BROTER is staring at his phone...I guess trying to see if the president of the Poser Associations of America send him a text proclaiming his awesomeness!

 

So BROTER stands around by himself for a moment, stunningly surprised that no one from the poker room is doing him a favor by asking about his life. BROTER begins milling around to looking for someone to talk too...he sets his radar on the nearest person...which happened to be...YOURS TRULY, RONALD VELACION BALTAZAR

 

Unsolicated, he shows me a woman on his iPhone, a very attractive woman I must say and begins his rant...the way only BROTER can do, and without a single salutation, the rant starts, "I got this girl's phone number yesterday, but I'm not sure I'm going to call her. Because I have another girl I've been talking too. I know I can get this girl in bed, but I don't know if I want too cause I have this other girl I've been talking too."

 

Of course, I'm nodding my head putting up my best "customer service" smile, but all the while, I'm thinking, "Are you being fucking serious??!! Why would tell me about all this unsolicited? Does this fucking douchebag think I'm going get down on my hands and knees and bow to the feet of this clown?

 

Finally, BROTER gets his seat, and I'm spared anymore crap from his bubbling idiot. I walk over to another dealer and tell them the story of BROTER blaring at me...we share a laugh....

 

This was the latest, but it's definitely won't be the last...

 

SO STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADVENTURES OF

 

 

BROTER "THE POSER"

 

 

 

"The Poser" Broter -- A Las Vegas Tale

Kids, parents, interested parties, and anyone who wants to listen..


I HATE POSERS!!

According to the Urban Dictionary, one of the funniest websites I've ever come across, a POSER is defined as "One who pretends to be someone who's not" or "someone who tries to someone with exaggeration."

In Las Vegas, you come across a lot of posers. Most do it because they're visiting and just want to have some fun, so I don't fault them. Then, you come across people, who live in Vegas, and do their best to become someone they're not...and what makes it worst, they'll always tell you about it. And, it's always unsolicited.

There's a young poser, who I've played poker with around town...we'll just call him "Broter", Broter would always play in a cheesy gray suit (similar to the one worn by the Dos Equis guy), always with the collar unbutton, hair greased up, cheap lofters, and walking in talking on this cell phone. Convinently, Broter would end his conversation when someone in the poker room approached him.

Broter started ranting about how he was just talking to girl, and she wanted him to take her to fancy restaurant or how he had sex with all these women..The funny thing was all this was unsolicited -- Not one time, did a player, dealer, floorman, cocktail waitress, porter ask him about his "exploits" with women. Here's a example of a dialogue I had with him about a year ago:

Me: What's up, Broter

Broter: Hey Ron...just got back from seeing this girl. She said she wanted to meet me for lunch, but I told her I was too busy (Insert goofy laugh here). I told her I wanted to play poker.

Me: That's cool

Broter, Yeah, I mean she keeps calling me and saying she want to meet me and that I should take her to Bellagio for lunch, but I'm so cheap that I couldn't. (TO THE DEALER: I'll buy in for $300, give me 20 in ones so I can tip the cocktail waitress). Yeah, I could have sex with her anytime, but man I got all these other women I need to get with that I have no time for her.

Me: Really

Brother: Like today, she asked me to meet me for lunch, but I told her I'd rather play poker, so consider yourself thankful.

Me: (Sarcastically) WOW, aren't we the lucky ones.

Then Broter becomes the poser poker player.

He tries to comes across as this loose aggressive player capable of making bluffs, but playing with him for years, I can tell you he is the most transparent player you'll ever face. He's the tightest nit, unwilling to gamble when it's warrants, then sits there folds and folds while getting up from the table to answer or text his phone. I'll tell you, I've won some nice pots, by always reraising him preflop because 99 percent of the time, he'll make some wimpy, pussy 7 dollar raise and I'll make it $20 and he'll make a speech about how he has a big hand (He always has a big hand when he raises), then he'll fold 99 percent of the time, saying he'll find a different spot. Although the different spot is always the same one...Broter raise, I re-raise, speech, then folds. When faced with aggression, my poser friend, Broter will usually shy from it.

I've played with Broter a lot, and I've never seen him have a big stack. I can honestly say the most I've ever seen him win was maybe 200 bucks, and that's because the deck totally hit him in the face.

Another one of his favorite lines always came when a beautiful woman passed through the poker room: "Look at tits on her, I'm going to get her number." Alas though, he would never leave his chair, he'd just sit there fold his 15th straight hand, and go back to messing with his phone.

Another thing I noticed about Broter was he would always ask the dealer if he tipped them, which he rarely did, as if he did something extremely noble. As a dealer, I noticed this cause he would be condescending to the dealers as if it a "pleasure" and his "honor" to toss a buck their way.  He was one of those "obnoxious" tippers..guys that toss the toke up on the air so the entire table could see..one of those, "I'm a tipper, everyone look at me. I'm the best."

Let me say this, I don't think Broter is not a terrible person. I think he has some self confident issues always from the poker room, and he uses poker as a way to become and try to become something he desperately wants to be. He tries and craves the attention that he comes across as a total douchebag...again, not a bad thing, but damn when you hear and see the same shtick repeatedly, you want to take his head and pound it against the wall....ONE TIME!!!!!!

I'm sure the next time I'm playing poker and I see Broter stroll into the poker room, you can assure two things: 1) he'll make sure everyone knows he's in the room 2) one of the nittiest players will sit with you, so ask for a table change

Poker with the Bloggers -- LIGHTNING36, PLEASE FOLD!!!

Poker is a social game. Poker is a people game. More importantly, poker is a "take as much money from your opponent as possible" game. However, there are times where you play people you don't want to take money from, but the circumstances drive you too....

Few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of playing $1-$2 No Limit at the Luxor with 3 bloggers, who I have the absolute respect, admiration, and huge fans of their particular blogs: Lucki Duck, Robvegaspoker , and Lightning36. The 3 bloggers arrived at the Luxor about 20 minutes after I was there. I was sitting in a very very very extremely extremely tight tight table!! (Did I mention the table was very, extremely, tight??) Lightning said they had enough to start a new game. At first I was apprehensive about joining the game because I have this thing about playing people I like cause I really don't want to take their money, and in the case of Robvegaspoker and Lightning36, they've been very generous tippers to me whenever I've dealt then, even tipping in small pots when they didn't have too. It was a definite quandary, it's the reason I don't playing where I work, and if I do, I NEVER play at the table if I've dealt it already. It's my belief you shouldn't play at poker room if you work there...it's a "conflict of interest" rule. Yeah, I know it might be a little paranoid, cause in 99% of cases, your regular players really don't care if you play with them, but I usually am uncomfortable if I'm check-raising a guy who tipped 15 bucks the week before...lol

The only reason I decided to join the new table was the table I was at was very very extremely extremely tight tight table!! (I have mention how tight my table was??). The first hours, the table really played tight, but I was enjoying the conversations with my fellow bloggers. We talked about an array of interesting topics, one of which was the whereabouts of "Backpack" Steve, a leech who used to hang around poker room begging for money. When I told them what happened to him, the bloggers, particularly Robvegaspoker was shocked yet not too surprised. It was definitely a delightful time, to the point where I sometimes forgot were in a card game..it was like we were sipping a cold one and shooting the breeze in a bar. But alas, the game of no limit Texas Hold em took hold of two of the us...one of which was me...the other was Lightning36.

Like many no limit poker hands, the hand started out nonchalantly, A player opened for $12 from a $90 or so stack....I'm sitting two seats later with Pocket 10's and call. My stack was a little over $200. Two more callers behind me, and Lightning in the Small blind calls. So we take the flop five-handed...The flop comes A A 10 A. I actually did a double take...did I just flop a boat?? Lightning, first to act checks, the initial raiser bets $20. Quickly, I raised to $40. I acted quickly because I'm a believer if you flop a monster you act the opposite of what you'd normally do. I see it too much as a poker dealer, when someone flops a monster, they put on the "Hollywood" Act as if they a tough decision to make. I can pretty much tell they have a monster by this act, and I'm almost always right. It's actually helped in my poker playing in identifying big hands and being able to either get away from them or lose the minimum. The 2nd part of this hand is why did I raise on the flop with a full house. My goal to extract maximum value for my hand and with 5 players in a raised pot, there had to be an Ace somewhere with my 4 other opponents, and I wanted to get that Ace to commit this stack to the point as early in the hand as possible where he is forced to put the rest of his chips in the next two streets.

Two players behind me folded quickly, the action was now on Lightning, who tanked. At that point, I knew he had an Ace, and I thought, "Dammit, this is not what I wanted." I wanted one of the other guys sitting with an Ace and Lightning would insta-fold his hand. Lightning hemmed and hawed for a long time, starting at me, playing nervously with his chips before sliding the $40 towards the pot. the initial raiser were all in for another 18 bucks or so. Since it wasn't a full-raise I could only call as did Lightning. The Turn was a 3...Lightning check, I instantly go all-in for around $140. I actually was hoping Lightning would see this as a sign that I had the goods and he would fold, but when he asked how much I had...I knew there was no way he was folding his hand. AFter another minute, Lightning calls....River was a 9....I announce "Full House" and turn over my Pocket 10's...Lightning shows AJ and the other player mucks claiming he had an Ace too.

I had mixed emotions scooping that pot. On one hand I was happy for winning such a monster pot, but felt bad that it had to come in the expense of Lightning. But I don't blame him, he played the hand very well. I probably would have played the hand the same way.  It was just a "cooler" hand that comes up from time to time where hands kind of play themselves. Lightning took the beat very well, and I  was happy when he texted me the next day saying he won his money back at Ballys.

Next time, Lightning comes to town, and stiffs me, believe me I will not be angry about it. I'll shoot him a sly smile and wonder what would have happened if he paired his Jack on the river :)

POKER HANDS FOR CRITIQUE Part 2

Want opinions on a slew of poker hands I played the past two weeks. I'm always seeking advice to improve my game:

HAND #1 PLANET HOLLYWOOD ($1-$2)

I think I played this horribly wrong. This was a early Wednesday morning game, so it was 5-handed with two extremely aggressive European players with a lot of chips. Euro dude straddles...Open limp from the weak button, I'm on the Big Blind with KK and $175 behind. The trend for the Aggressive Euro guy was to raise his straddle if the table showed any type of weakness. My plan show weakness by just calling the straddle and hoping the Euro would continue his trend of raising, where I can play a big pot with him. Only drawback was he would have position on me the entire hand. So I completed the straddle, and on cue, the Aggro Euro raises to $16..button limper calls...I thought about re-raising at this point, but with only 3 players in, I figured I could be deceptive with my KK, and hopefully undervalue my hand. Also, I've been playing fairly tight up to this point, so if I re-raised, I would define my hand and probably wouldn't get the action I wanted. The flop comes K62 rainbow. I thought about leading, but with this dry board, I felt the Aggro Euro would bet his entire range, then depending on what the button does, I would find the best course of action. I checked the flop, Aggro Euro bets $25, Button folds. I decided to just call because, as I said, the guy is probably betting his entire range, and with this dry board, if I raised, he's probably probably not calling with anything but AK or a set...The one aspect about this Aggro Euro is he many be aggressive, but he wasn't stupid, he knew when to shut down when the action got heavy and he didn't have the goods. So I called the $25, Turn is a Ace.. I check again. Aggro Euro fires $30 to the pot....I decide a raise was in order. I raise $50 more to $80 total, Aggro Euro folds rather quickly. After analyzing the hand, I think the more optimal play was to call the $30, then lead the river for about $75-$80...The board was so dry, My Set of Kings was probably way ahead of the Aggro Euro's range, so maybe I could have let the river peeled off and maybe he'd make two pair..something to pay me off. So maybe I didn't get maximum value for my hand...

HAND #2 -- MIRAGE ($1-$2)

On contrast, I think I played this hand really well. This was a typical Mirage $1-$2...mix of solid and loose weekend players during Kentucky Derby weekend. Started with $225..Five limpers to me in the small blind, I complete with 10 2 spades...Big Blind check, and we take the flop 7 handed...Flop comes Q J 9 with Two spades...With 7 players in the pot, and playing out of position the entire hand, I took a passive approach...If I bet here and get raised, I may be forced to play for my entire stack. With a straight and flush draw, this could be the optimal play, but I only have a 10 High flush draw, I could be facing an Ace or King-high flush draw. I wanted to see how the action developed before I made my decision to play forward with this hand. I check..BB bets $20...called by one other player, I decided to call again.....Another factor is both players have me covered .. BB had $340 and the caller had over $400 in front....Turn is 4 spades, completing my flush. Again, I take the passive approach, Since it was a limp pot, bigger flushes could have been out there...so I check...BB bets $40...Limper calls again...I call....River is a 10 diamonds..I check again...BB Bets $50....Limper folds. The BB has now bet on 3 streets, and was representing strength, but I had gone this far and since I was drawing to the flush I had to call the river bet and hope I didn't run into a bigger flush....I called, BB turns over K7 off suit for a meaningless straight. I rake the pot after showing my 10-high flush. Yeah, I probably played the hand too cautiously, but I just felt not committing too much of my stack with an inferior flush. I think I would have to fold my draw if I bet the flop and get raised.

HAND #3 -- HARRAHS ($1-$2)

This is a simple one...This game was fairly tight, usually is someone raised and got a caller, a continuation bet on the flop would do the trick, hands rarely went to the river. I was able to build my stack playing positional poker. Checked to me, I always bet and won 90% of my hands uncontested. Anyway, folded to the a straight-forward Asian Local who raises to $10 from a $240 stack. I call from the button with 99...BB calls. We take the flop 3-handed... Flop comes 3 8 2 Rainbow....BB check..Asian Local bets $40...I insta-fold, BB Folds as well. The Asian Local proudly shows KK.  The key to this hand what was the reason to play 99 and fold when the flop comes with a a bunch of small cards. I played this hand for one reason -- TO GET THE ASIAN LOCAL'S ENTIRE STACK!! I immediately put him on a big pair, cause this guy played a bland "ABC" type poker. I seen him limp with AK or AQ suited, so I knew his raising range was very tight...JJ and above! I felt if I flop a set against this range, he would overplay his hand and give me his entire stack. I guarantee you if the flop came 9 -3 -2...He could have given me all his chips with his pocket Kings. Another reason I folded was he made a slightly over bet the pot on the flop...If I called his bet and another plank fell on the turn, I may be facing a bigger bet on the turn, then I wouldn't know what to do...probably fold...Why waste $40, if you're not sure where you are?? Tight Locals always overbet their over pairs because they're always afraid of getting outdrawn. Against these type of players if you flop two pair or better against their over pair, they usually will shove the rest of their chips in the middle. They're an excellent source for a timely double up!!

Opinions anyone?? Do I play bad?? Do I play good? Do I run good??